PICKLED FISH: HONOURING AUNTS

#SMED11

In keeping with the tradition of serving Pickled Fish and hot cross buns on Good Friday, this week's blog is dedicated to the role that aunts and cousins have played in keeping this tradition alive amongst our family.

Ever since I can recall, Pickled Fish has traditionally been served on Good Friday. As I grew older, married and had my own fafily to prepare the dish for, I came to reazlise and appreciate the recipe complexities. I came to understand that there are many variations on the basic recipe. My mother (who passed away many years ago), together with a long list of aunts and cousins have perfected the art of preparing the best home-cooked Pickled Fish. Most importantly, 'Woolies' or any shop-bought Pickled Fish should not be mentioned in their company. Without a doubt aunts and cousins take pride in their Pickled Fish knowledge and skills!

At a family member's birthday on Wednesday I was once again reminded of the passion and commitment aunts and cousins share. With two days to go, the majority proudly mentioned that their bowls of Pickled Fish were already in the fridge! Animated discussions followed relating to a radio programme that morning where it was mentioned that 'onions should be crunchy, not cooked.'

Recipes are proudly handed down from one generation to another - in the same way that the 'koeksister' and 'sousbone' recipes and taught and handed down. It is often a tradition that during the first years of married life' one's mother would still pepare your bowl of Pickled Fish. Where your mother has passed away, aunts would step in by either making and/or sharing their Pickled Fish recipes for you to make.

On a personal level, after getting married, my annual bowl of Pickled Fish was still lovingly prepared and delivered by by mother.. Sadly, thinking she would live a lifetime, I never got around to writng down the recipe. Fortunately, between myself and my two sisters, we have developed our own recipe, courtesy of an excellent Malay cooking book. It has become the responsibility of my younger sister (who immigrated to New Zealand more than 10 years ago) to dutifully scan and forward the recipe to cousins requiring assistance in this regard.

Due to work commitments this year, I was unable to prepare my family's fish and the task fell upon my youngest sister to do the honours. As expected, with scanned recipe in hand, she delivered excellently on her 'maiden Pickled Fish journey.'

In conclusion, I'd like to thank and honour my mother and the numerous aunts for the role they have played in ensuring a proud tradition of preparing home-cooked Pickled Fish at Easter, stays alive. I believe this generation of cousins are well-prepared to take their recipes forward to the next generation.

Possibly a good Agenda item (together with 'koeksisters' and 'sousbone'), to be discussed and shared at our next family reunion.

IT'S A POOR THING TO LIE TO YOURSELF

#SMED 11

The title of this week's blog reminds me of the number of excuses people come up with to justify their actions, in this case actions that have a negative impact on others and on themselves.

As human beings we are all prone to some form of dependence, compulsive behaviours and/or addictions. Regardless of type, 'addictions carry with it the same basic symptoms of obsession, loss of control, compulsion and the continual use, regardless of negative consequencs.' - Jessica Bradbury.

In most cases those suffering from compulsive behaviours and addictions are master manipulators and use lies and deceits to validate their continued obsessions/addictions, ie :
- Alcohol dependence
- Drug dependene
- Eating disorders
- Cyberspace addiction
- Shopaholics
- Gambling
- Abusive behaviour
- Adultery
- Exercising

Individually as well as collectively, the afore-mentioned dependences and addictions negatively impact on the relationships with family, loved ones, friends, colleagues, etc. When confronted, we lie to our loved ones and to ourselves. Some of the often- heard excuses:
- I don't have a problem. I can stop drinking any time I want to;
- Tomorrow I will start losing weight by going on a strict diet and excercise programme;
- Tomorrow I will spend less money on gambling;
- Tomorrow I will be a better husband/wife/partner and not swear/hit/be abusive towards family members/partners

The sad thing is that unless one seeks professional help, these lies will continue to be idle words, carrying no weight at all. In the world of the compulsive gambler/drug addict, etc. the world revolves around themselves and the elusive 'tomorrows' - those unfulfilled promises.

i believe that it is a poor idea to lie to oneself as'Man's mind is so formed that it is far more susceptible to falsehood than to the truth.' - Erasmus , Dutch Christian Humanist.

Unless you seek professional help to confront your addictions, obsessions or demons, you cannot conquer them. I recently watched the pre-programme adverts for 'Ruby' - a woman who has battled severe weight problems. Herewith some commentary :
- Everyone is sick of your excuse
- Will you conquer your demons or will they overcome you?

People lie to themselves and to others and unless they confront their addictions, they will not be free to live the life they were meant to live. You can't conquer what you can't confront. if we work on, and fix our relationship with food, shoping, alcohol, exercise, gamblihg, etc., I believe the knock-on effect will be that our relationships with family, friends, colleagues, etc., will be significantly improved .
In conclusion, 'Believe that problems do have answers, that they can be overcome, and that you can solve them - Norman Vincent Peale

PERSEVERANCE WINS THE DAY

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This week’s prescribed blog,  ‘the sound of one hand clapping,’ also reminded me of a story relating to ‘perseverance in the face of little support,’ which recently appeared in the You magazine.

It relates the story of America’s Got Talent (AGT)  Season 2 winner, Terry Fator.  According to the producer of the show, Terry Fator is the best known winner of AGT and has a ‘knack for mimicking famous singers through a range of puppets.

In the article Fator alludes to the fact that he had almost given up on achieving success in show business as a ventriloquist. By the time he was in his late 30’s he was not even sure if success was ever going to happen.  Before appearing on AGT in 2007, he performed at a fair near Houston, Texas and the only spectator was a 12-year old boy.[This to me sounds like one hand clapping]

Discouraged, and ready to change careers, his family encouraged him to ‘hang in there.  Shortly after that he entered AGT and the rest is history.  He has gone from performing for 10 to 20 people to filling up every single chair at the Mirage, Las Vegas!

Changing gears from music to sport:  I have also spoken to a hockey coach who mentioned that he could clearly remember the day his team played hockey in the England Hockey 3^rd   League. On that particular day they were lucky to have only a man and his dog as spectators. [Sounds like one hand clapping]

As in the case of Terry Fator, they too were disappointed in the lack of support.  They however persevered as a team, and when they started to win game after game, spectator numbers grew significantly.

The lesson learnt from both ventriloquist performance and hockey match is that one has to always give of one’s best performance no matter how big or small the audience and/or spectator numbers. Most importantly, perseverance wins the day -  perseverance always brings rewards (financially, emotionally, spiritually, etc). 

In a previous blog I wrote about the scene between Maria and Mother Superior (The Sound of Music) in which Maria was ready to through in the towel due to the numerous challenges she faced whilst looking after the von Trapp children.

The following lines from the song sang by Mother Abbess, in which she encourages not only Maria, but each one of us, that hurdles can be overcome in pursuance of our goals :

‘Climb ev’ry mountain,          

ford ev’ry stream         

Follow ev’ry rainbow,  

till you find your dream!’ 

Maybe Carl Gustav Jung, the Swiss psychologist, was also thinking along the line of ‘perseverance’ when he penned the following quote:

‘I do not believe … I know.’

                                       

                                          Climb ev'ry mountain - perseverance wins the day!

THE SOUND OF ONE HAND CLAPPING

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This week’s blog is open to many interpretations. Following my initial interpretation of audience and spectator participation, I was challenged by eldest son to think out of the box.  As a musician, he indicated that I might find the work of John Cage an interesting read which might speak to the blog topic .  I must add that I was completely dumbstruck when son gave a brief description of the compostion and could not wait to get onto the internet to do further readings. 

The interesting thing about this type of family blog discussions, is that the roles are completed reversed.  I remember a time when it was Mom who assisted with school work  – now, as a mature student, I am very fortunate to have two sons who actively contribute to blog discussions and have no problem critiquing my weekly blogs.

John Milton Cage Jr. (September 5, 1912 – August 12, 1992) was an American composer, perhaps best known for his 1952 composition 4’33” in which three movements are performed without one single note being played on the piano. The idea behind this composition is it is perceived that the audience hears the sounds of the environment rather than four minutes and thirty three seconds of silence whilst the composition is performed.  Needless to say, the piece became one of the most controversial compositions of the twentieth century.

Serge Kahili King, a previous student of Zen, writes  about a famous Zen koan (philosophical riddle) which asks, "What is the sound of one hand clapping?"

According to King, it is expected of the student of Zen to meditate on this riddle until ‘some degree of insight or enlightenment occurs. The tricky part is that there is no right answer. What you are, or what you know, or what you believe, is what you get.’

I also came across another answer which indicates that, "The sound of one hand clapping cannot be heard. We do not have the physical capacity to hear the sound of one hand clapping. Therefore, we have to recognize our human limitation. When we accept our human limitation, we can reconcile ourselves to the natural world, and can live in harmony with the universe."

By reflecting on the afore-mentioned examples, I have come to the conclusion that the sound of one hand clapping is a soundless sound – in the same way that the 4’33” composition of John Cage is soundless.  To have a deep understanding of this soundless sound one has to enter true meditation and transcend all sound – as in the famous Zen koan (philosophical riddle).

In conclusion I believe that the 3^rd verse of  ‘Sounds of  Silence’ by Simon and Garfunkel, possibly also refers to this soundless sound :

'And in the naked light I saw
Ten thousand people, maybe more
People talking without speaking
People hearing without listening
People writing songs that voices never share
And no one daredDisturb the sound of silence'

NOT ALL WHO WANDER ARE LOST

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The full quote reads:

All that is gold does not glitter,
not all those who wander are lost;
the old that is strong does not wither,
deep roots are not reached by the frost.
From the ashes a fire shall be woken,
a light from the shadows shall spring;
renewed shall be blade that was broken,
the crownless again shall be king.

This week’s blog title, taken from the poem by J.R.R. Tolkien for his fantasy novel ‘The Lord of the Rings,’ speaks to me on different levels, two of which I share with you :

1.      We all have a purpose in life 

Some people know their purpose from an early age and through favourable circumstances have the ability to reach it with minimum effort. Others on the other hand, take much longer to reach their purpose in life.  They wander between various study course directions and /or careers in their quest to fulfill their potential. 

Sometimes the perception can be created that they are lost/ do not have direction whilst on this journey en-route to their true calling.  I agree that in this process of self- exploration, some might indeed find themselves lost and possibly never reach their destination.

Reminding me of the quotation, ‘I may not be where I want to be, but I am a long way from where I was,’ there are those who, after many detours and exits, eventually manage to get to their final destination.

To this end I believe it will be parents, family members and acquaintances who will be the ones ‘applauding at the goalpost’  – and possibly breathing a sigh of relief too!  This ‘circle of influence’ are the ones who stayed, encouraged and supported you through thick and thin whilst you wandered around in search of your destination.

2.        IsThemba Edutrain lost as educational mode of transport?

Background : Themba Edutrain has been removed from service in 2008 for its major maintenance programme.  Two years later the train has not yet returned to service,  thereby depriving more than 30 000 learners in the Western Cape the opportunity  to travel on this unique classroom-on-wheels to places of interest.

For the sake of the thousands of educators and learners who are eagerly awaiting the return of Themba Edutrain, I sincerely hope that the train is not ‘lost’ and will find its way back into the hearts and minds of all those learners hoping for its return once the maintenance journey has been completed.

I believe that:

-        Life is a journey – enjoy the ride

-        Life is a journey -  complete it

In conclusion, we are all rooting for Themba Edutrain to complete the maintenance journey.  It will be a sad day indeed if the train does not return and is forever lost as a safe, unique and  affordable mode of transport to places of educational interest.

Photo of Themba Edutrain : Hoping it is a case of,  ‘Not all who wander are lost.’

A PHOTO CAN CHANGE YOUR LIFE

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It all started more than ten years ago when I saw a photo in the Cape Argus of a train being built by Metrorail for school children.  Within seconds of setting eyes on the photo (more a case of love at first sight),  I instinctively knew that I was looking at my new job!

Was it destiny? Was it co-incidence?  What was the universe trying to tell me?

Today I still cannot explain why I was the fortunate one – but nine months after seeing the photo, I was tasked by the Western Cape Education Department (WCED) to manage the full educational and marketing strategy of Themba Edutrain.  A milestone indeed as this flagship project between Metrorail in collaboration the WCED was the first school-on-wheels in South Africa!

Over the years I have come to accept that life throws these wonderful opportunities my way.  Jokingly my sisters and I would say it must be family members who have passed on who are behind it all - in their heavenly boardroom meetings they’ve obviously strategised that Daphne is up to the task.  In the case of the Edutrain they actually sent back-up support too via a living brother to provide educational guidance!

Another strange phenomena occurred way back in 2000.  I did not realize it then, only years later when the 2010 Soccer World Cup became a buzz word, colleagues, family and friends picked up on the co-incidence  – the  last four digits of my cellphone number ends with ‘2010.’

I mention this as another example of life’s mysteries  – ten years before the biggest event on African soil I acquire a ‘2010’ cellphone number. Post-World Cup and the rest is history…..   I conceptualized and presented  World Cup workshops to Metrorail customer service staff in  Cape Town, Durban and Port Elizabeth.  One of my proudest 2010 achievements is the Tourism Info Kiosk and the display cabinets which my staff and I established at Cape Town Station (http://daphne-kayster.blogspot.com/2011/03/creating-window-to-world.html ).

Although I might have created the impression that I wait for life to throw opportunities at me, in reality I am constantly evolving through reading, studying and seeking ways to do new and interesting projects. 

To this end, I have already completed studies for my third career path- travel and tourism – which will kick in once I have retired.  I must add that it is still many, many moons away. Everyone also knows at exactly 09h00 on day one of my retirement I will be walking into the dance studio to start my dance classes. Fred  Astaire move over – Daphne’s in the house! 

I enjoy listening to a wide selection of music, ranging classical, Broadway, Jazz etc. (http://daphne-kayster.blogspot.com/2011/03/from-bach-to-broadway.html).  I am fortunate and proud to have two artistic sons (classical music and animation respectively) who keep me on my toes and informed with regard to both genres. 

I have a reputation for not being the best cook on the block –  have two signature dishes at most. But strangely, it’s in the kitchen where I am at my most creative. Instead of putting together ‘sugar and spice and all things nice,’  I often find my mind  stringing together concepts, ideas, sentences, paragraph – the list goes on…

As a Virgo, one of my outstanding qualities is organizing any and all activities, not matter how complex.  I am highly task-orientated and completely agree with author Susan Miller when she says, “It must have been a Virgo who said ‘Anything worth doing is worth doing well.’”

People often say life begins at 40.  I concur, and raise my champagne glass 100% to a small photo that changed my life completely :  

-         Took on a completely new study direction and career path

-         Developed, honed and acquired  skills I did not even know existed within

-         Broadened my horizens through domestic and international travel opportunities

Lastly, Dr David Molapo’s book, ‘If you’re not growing you’re dying, is always close at hand and continuous to serve aspiration:

‘Opportunities never come to those who wait – They are captured by those who dare to attack.

The tragedy of life does not lie in not reaching your goal – The tragedy lies in having no goal to reach.’

                                         Themba Edutrain and learners

A DAY IN THE LIFE OF A ‘CORPORATE EDUCATOR’

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Metrorail, together with more than 15 corporates, were recently invited to participate in a Career Expo at Hector Petersen High School, Kraaifontein. 

During the 10 past years, I have participated in numerous exhibtions and expos.  This one however was different in the sense that  it took on the form of corporate mentors taking on the role of ‘stand-in educator’ for the day.  My timetable for the day looked as follows : 

Subject   :       Marketing and Public Relations

Grades   :       11 and 12

Periods   :      7 periods of twenty minutes each

                        1 administration period of  twenty minutes

After exiting the teaching profession more than ten years ago it felt good to be back on familiar territory – Chalk, blackboard, pointer, staffroom and not forgetting noisy learners. 

It was a privilege and honour to share with learners – our future graduates and job entries  -  one day’s  corporate knowledge and experience.  Hopefully the twenty minutes I spent with each class was sufficient for some learners to consider further studies in either Marketing or Public Relations.  Most importantlyly , encourage them to continue with studies after completing Grade 12.

Denzil Witbooi, acting principal said the Expo was a means to “expose learners to different careers within a community where they are not encouraged to think about their futures” (Blits  News on track : 31 March – 7 April 2011).

Interestingly, initial indications are that a number of learners would like to become train drivers.  I was also pleasantly surprised by the significant number of learners who traveled to school by train (and proudly showcased their train tickets!)

In conclusion, I’d like to thank the Career Expo organisors, Principal and staff for creating a platform whereby representatives from various corporates could  share with learners their respective fields of study and work experiences. 

This model of ‘ twenty minutes corporate career teaching,’ is certainly something that other high schools can duplicate - thereby ensuring  learners are empowered make informed decisions with regard to future studies and career paths.

HOW DO YOU STEP FROM A 100 FOOT POLE?

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This week’s blog provided for some lighthearted moments around the family home when I  put the title up for family discussion and input. Some of the random answers I solicited was :

 “You should not be on the pole in the first place.”

“It depends if the pole is planted upright, or whether it is flat on the ground”

“What are you doing on the pole in the first instance?”

“Where do you get such a tall pole? “

“It can only be a floodlight pole  at a stadium – there are steps next to the pole, so just walk down in the same way you walked to the top!”

On a more serious note – and I must admit we got to the next point whilst throwing around random thoughts – the theme ‘fear factor’ came to mind.  These are examples of activities/games consultants employ during corporate and/or youth camp team-building excercises – bungy jumping, zip lining, absailing, river rafting, to name but a few.

 All of these activities are developed first and foremost to meet safety requirements, but most importantly, they provide a true reflection of participants’ characteristics (leadership, teamwork, endurance, etc).

I believe that ‘stepping off a 100 foot pole’ is an analogy for one’s ability to face up to and master one’s inner fears.  Sometimes those challenges/fears come in different sizes – big, small or gigantic.  Most importantly, you have to dig deep within to find your inner strength in order to meet these challenges/fears/phobias head on.  Once you have conquered one small challenge, those other bigger hurdles lined up in your current and future path, would seem insignificant - so much easier to overcome.

Success breads success.  Have faith in yourself, step off the pole, you can conquer whatever you set your mind to.

In conclusion, “We are each powerful beyond measure and every challenge is an invitation for us to discover our magnificence” – Wendy Luhabe

Beautiful  Powerful  You!